Relationship and Sexual Violence

Help

How to Help a Friend

Seventy percent of student survivors of sexual assault tell a friend or someone else they know that they were assaulted. Active support of a friend is a primary factor that distinguishes those who report from those who do not. 

If your friend has been sexually assaulted, s/he may experience:

• Shock
• Denial
• Disbelief
• Fear
• Anger
• Helplessness
• Embarrassment
• Mood swings
• Irritability
• Depression
• Inability to concentrate or relax
• Disturbances in eating or sleeping habits
• Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist victims of sexual assault.

What you can do:

Listen.

Believe unconditionally.
People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support him/her.

Let the survivor control the situation.
Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep his/her options open. Most important, allow your friend to make his/her own decisions.

Assure your friend it was not his/her fault.
No one asks to be sexually assaulted. Avoid blaming questions and judgmental statements such as, ”Why didn’t you scream?” or ”If I ever get my hands on the creep. . .” Do not search for things your friend should have done.

Give your full attention.
A friend may confide in you 10 minutes or 10 years after the assault. It does not matter so much what you say but how well you listen. Remember that your friend’s sense of trust has been violated, so one of the most important things you can do is respect his/her need for confidentiality.

Trust your instincts.
If the assault happened recently, encourage your friend to get medical attention as soon as possible.

Do not be afraid to ask for outside help.
Your friend may need medical attention or counseling. Offer to help your friend through these processes.